Tremors: Shrieker Island Review

There is no reason for "Tremors: Shrieker Island" to not just be called "Tremors 7." There is no reason for "Tremors" to have seven movies. There is no reason for "Tremors" to be a franchise. There is no reason for Michael Gross" to have appeared in all the films. There is no reason for this film to exist in the first place. But all of those are true.

This time in the "Tremors" franchise, we find Gross' Burt Gummer character helping a team of scientists who's outdoor facility is on the neighboring island to Bill (Richard Blake, who chews more scenery than the monsters), who's bred "graboids" on his private resort. See, he finds these bored millionaires and promises them the hunt of their lives, subterranean worms. These creatures make for perfect low-budget monster movie stars, as it allows the limited budget to focus on the suggestion of the beasts, not necessarily their presence. Toss some dirt around and bam- you instantly have a behemoth nearby. No fancy special effects needed!

The times we do see them onscreen, they look pretty good, or at least, better than "Sharknado." Problems with the film begin once its established that we have shriekers, a sort of evolution the worms that walk on land that first debuted in the first sequel. Have we run out of steam? This is the seventh(!) film in the timeline, and we've gone back to pillage material from earlier films in the series?

The power of suggestion doesn't work here, and the budget constraints show- this is most obviously not something intended for theaters; these look like something you'd use a fake gun to blast away in the arcade video game in the theater's lobby.

A film like this defies regular film criticisms, as actors overact, do dumb things, and say even dumber things. But that's part of the charm, take a scene where Bill, after one of his rich friends is eaten, quips "if your gonna piss like a puppy you better stay on the porch." 

... What? It's campy bits like this that keep you paying attention between the monster action, and even the occasional misfire is usually accompanied by an amusing or exaggerated facial expressions. Look, this movie is pretty bad, but it knows it's bad, and never settles for simply being bad. Thanks to the energetic and efficient direction from Don Michael Paul, who also co-wrote the script, the well-shot location and fun performances lift the picture out from the bargain bin fate of most direct-to-video/streaming sequels.

Yes yes I know, it's lazy movie making no doubt, but it's not boring movie making, and there's a lesson to be learned here. I can't recommend something you'll fall asleep during, but "Tremors Shrieker Island" is no lullaby- it is escapist genre fare with thrills as familiar as they are entertaining.

So what else is new? Why are we all here? Did anyone eagerly await this review to see if they should press the "play" button on Netflix? My guess, if you've read this far, you've already watched it. Good for you, you've done your cinematic duty of helping B-movie filmmakers get their paycheck.

Honest Thief Review

Liam Neeson's "Honest Thief" is exactly the kind of thing that direct-to-video/streaming was invented for- a pandemic forcing theaters to close is just icing on the cake. Yet that's not what happened. Opening only in brick and mortar cinemas, this exceedingly familiar "ex-con on the run" tale is not the kind of thing that usually breaks box office records, and if  Christopher Nolan can't make people comfortable going back to the movies, then what is Liam Neeson doing on the silver screen?

But people love this guy- how else could he play essentially the same character so many times? Hell, during my screening, they even played a trailer for his next revenge pic, "The Marksman." He's portrayed the same recycled hero so many times I might as well copy and paste my reviews for "Cold Pursuit" and "The Commuter." If viewers don't mind, then readers shouldn't. 

This time around he plays Tom Carter, the "In and Out Burglar" who's robbed a dozen or so banks, and the world have no idea who he is. After meeting a girl, Annie (because of course he does), played by the wonderful Kate Walsh, he decides to turn himself in with all the money, in exchange for a reduced sentence. Add a few opportunistic corrupt FBI agents and you have "basic action movie plot, chapter 1."

Out of all the mundane comes an unexpected performance by Jai Courtney as Agent Niven's, one of the two double-crossing baddies. He hams it up with his wide-eyed grin and wired intensity, a guy you'd love to hate had he been given anything interesting to say or do. Here the script is so neutered, you just "kinda like to dislike him."

Gunfire's exchanged, cars are chased, and fists are thrown, and although director Mark Williams does stage everything cleanly and professionally, it all just looks tired. Unless of course you find two cars speeding down a straight road, then turning left a few times, rousing. And by the time we get to the final confrontation between Tom and Nivens, they shoot at each other for a moment or two, run out of bullets, and then it just ends. What happened to the climax?

That's all fine and dandy, and if you're open to buying that stale tale, you'll find a decently touching love story beneath all the bullets. Walsh and Neeson have remarkable chemistry, in spite of the fifteen year age difference, and by the end of the sub-100 minute runtime, you want to see them together. To expose whether or not that happens would not only be a disservice to the potential movie goer, but also to insinuate that the material offers any sort of surprises.

No, "Honest Thief" is not that caliber a picture. "The Fugitive" this very much is not. It lacks the stoic hilarity or fresh excitement of some of his earlier thrillers, but it remains relatively easy to watch. It's a slick piece of run-of-the-mill entertainment, exactly the kind of aged action hero chaos that he's been pumping out in the last decade, offering absolutely nothing new or particularly exciting. We all know his character's innocent, and that it's just a matter of time before he proves it. Leave your yawns in the theater lobby, along with your brain, just don't forget your face mask.

Hubie Halloween Review

The problem with Adam Sandler is that he makes the same comedy every few years, and the problem with fans of those movies is that they often don't like his new movies- if his new movies suck, then, logically, his old ones suck too. That's the case with his latest laugh-free fest "Hubie Halloween," which plays out like a "The Waterboy" sequel set on October 31st.

Sandler plays Hubie, a goofy talking nice guy who lives with his overprotecting mom in Salem where everyone picks on him. His heart of gold is constantly dumped on by his neighbors, who prank him, insult him, and throw things at him on his bike (one of the only amusing running gags is how the objects hurled at him grow more ridiculous as the runtime continues). His lifelong crush also secretly loves him, and whether or not they get together depends on if you can stomach your way through to the end. But when people start disappearing, it's up to this local loser to save the day. Geez, doesn't this all sound familiar? Yet to make fun of "Hubie Halloween" makes you no better than the mean townsfolk; if you can live with that, then please, hit me up sometime and we'll trade putdowns.

Like always, every main, secondary, and tertiary character is played by someone you all know, and practically everyone has previously appeared in a Sandler picture, as if the only scripts that ever come across their desk is from Happy Maddison Productions. I suppose once it was fun to try to spot the next celebrity cameo, but by now, it's exhausting. Oh look, it's Shaquille O'Neal. Isn't it funny that he has the voice of a woman?

Actually I'll stop right there- it was amusing. I didn't laugh, but my stern lips did curl into a slight grin, and my mind mildly tickled at the juxtaposition. But that's not enough for a recommendation. There should be more entertainment to the millions of dollars on film.

And it's a shame, because the Halloween shown here is something that families won't be able to enjoy in 2020; kids trick or treating, older kids partying with alcohol, and adults screaming their way through haunted houses. All the decorations on display is lost to a script that never finds anything interesting to do with the celebratory sets. But I'm sure that's going to be the biggest draw for Netflix subscribers, desperate not only for familiar faces but also spooky atmosphere where the biggest threat isn't politics or disease but a dope trying to solve a mystery.

I suppose there isn't anything necessarily wrong here- you watch it, forget it, and move onto the next holiday classic. Only this isn't a classic, but neither are a lot of movies at first. I doubt "Hubie Halloween" will ever achieve that status (actually I'm confident it won't), but what does it matter what I say? Adam Sandler movies are consistently among the most watched Netflix Originals, so go and watch it already. I'll be streaming more satisfying cinematic experiences elsewhere.