The Old Guard Review

If "The Old Guard" has one thing going in its favor, it's that it's a superhero film without any baggage. There is no "cinematic universe" tomfoolery to hold it back, and by debuting on Netflix, there is no worry about its R-rating impacting its box office potential. It comes to our living rooms on a clean slate, the only expectations are formed by us after decades from the Marvel and DC juggernauts. No, the heroes here don't wear capes or spandex, and they can swear like sailors, but their superpowers get the job done.

This alone is a major breath of air in the crowded superhero genre, but it ends up as nothing but a fresh coat of paint on the creaky old concept. There is nothing new to watch here, because there is nothing new attempted here; it's the same old story with blood squirts and modern clothing.

You've heard this before: a small group of people, led by Andy (Charlize Theron) with unexplained powers are hunted for their unexplained powers. The powers this time is regeneration, which is shown early and often; this motley crew can't die! Get shot? The wound heals itself, shown in full with nice touches like the bullets getting forced out from the flesh. They also never get old, locked forever at the age when these vague abilities are gained. This instantly flatlines the stakes, since they're pretty much immortal, but the film attempts to fill this gap in logic by adding that they can die, but only when it's their time (i.e. whenever their injuries stop healing). When this time comes is unknown, but this doesn't cure this central problem with the action scenes.

The bad guys here are lead by Steven Merrick (Harry Melling), owner of super-generic pharmaceutical company incorporated. His goal is to cure all human disease (maybe he isn't such a bad guy), and sees the humanitarian and financial potential of these super humans and sends dozens of generic soldiers to be sliced, diced, and shot as they try to apprehend them. This leads back to the primary issue with the shootouts and fisticuffs; why should I be thrilled when I know the good guys won't lose? Who cares when they get hurt? All because the possibility that it could be their time?! Without a tangible weakness to be used to stop them, the picture fails. An action picture isn't worth its weight in bullets if the action is robbed of any and all suspense.

There are some interesting ideas buried beneath the flimsy material on the surface, but they sink like stones in a sea of familiarity. We are shown brief scenes of the heroes heroic acts in other eras, which allows for some lovely set pieces like the Salem Witch trials. I wish there were more moments like these, but we're only offered a few breaks from otherwise sterile shots of military outposts and office buildings. It's also touched upon the difficulty of "hiding" in a digital world- in one scene, Andy deletes a photo she's accidentally in by asking the group if they'd like a "picture together." Yet later in the film, she has no problem strolling down the aisle of a drug store. Yeah, I'm sure their security cameras aren't working.

Other ideas are not so welcome: there is, spoiler-alert, a double-cross in the narrative, but the "why" and "how" are never explored. Why didn't it happen sooner? (Gotta fill that runtime somehow.)

Netflix has so many subscribers, and so many folks are superhero movie fans, so they no doubt have a massive success on their hands- particularly as we live in a world where fans are starved of new Marvel and DC content. Whether or not the success is well-deserved is irrelevant when so many people are gonna watch it, talk about it online, and then wait for the next pandemic for the sequel to drop.