Fatman Review

What if Santa went bankrupt? Here's another one- what if a hitman was going after Santa?! Oh I've got one more- what if Mel Gibson played Santa?

See this is what they call a "high concept" film, and these three disparate narratives are awkwardly sewn together in the new movie "Fatman," only it's never as emotional, thrilling or funny as any of those gimmicks suggest. It's instead a slow, confused and turgid cocktail of too many genres, though the few sparkles of imagination present do go along way.

Mel Gibson of course plays Mr. Claus, who drinks his way through the daily, dull life of being Father Christmas. He's pretty good here, though the script fails to see the satire in having such a controversial figure play such a beloved character. He utters I think one swear, and seems to love all people of all places. That's not the Gibson I read about in the tabloids.

His doting wife, the wonderfully charming but ultimately accessory Marianne Jean-Baptiste, bakes him cookies as he crunches the numbers, fixes up the sled and checks up on the elves. Only these aren't your normal Hollywood elves- these are just relatively short but extremely efficient factory workers.

But the numbers aren't so good- on the verge of going under, the government steps in to have Santa's Workshop work on... something for their military. Suddenly the money's there to save next Christmas, even if it means Uncle Sam is oblivious to the potential of having someone on their payroll who knows "who's been bad or good" and when the bad is sleeping (and no doubt hiding). Honestly, am I the only one who's heard that song?

At the same time, the tyrant of a child Billy (Chance Hurstfield), frustrated by the lump of coal under his tree, exploits his sickly grandma's wealth to put a hit out on the man in red. The man for the job is Miller, played by Walton Goggins, who has unpleasant feelings towards old man Cringle of his own. There's a throwaway line about him not getting his dead parent's back, but I dunno, there isn't much effort put into character development here. What you see is what you get. Are you the kind of person who thinks seeing Goggins as an assassin, out to get Mel Gibson as Satna, is pure comedic gold? Well, this is the movie for you.

Problem it's not terribly funny. There are a few pieces of glib dialogue, but it's primary agenda is to keep the plot moving along, albeit slowly. It has the potential to be clever, a level of sensationalism, whimsy and hilarity that lives just below the surface of its approximate 100 minute runtime, but it's never the film we ever end up watching.

That doesn't make it a family movie either. Between the rare display of potty mouth, every bullet that lands results in a big pool of blood or splatter. But that's another problem- this is far tamer than something like last year's "Rambo: Last Blood," for example, so if they weren't going to go "all in," why bother showing any violence at all?

It comes down to concept, and how the three (or more, I wasn't counting) just don't jell into a cohesive picture. It's a neutered, frequently boring execution of some pretty interesting ideas that sucks the inherit fun out of the outrageous stunt-casting.

Maybe next time, get an actor who's actually fat to play the title character in a movie called Fatman. Or, at least have a script smart enough to mention this irony.