Scream VI Review

The scariest horror movies are the ones where it could really happen to you. Sure, something jumping out at you yelling "boo" might make you leap from your chair, but that doesn't make it scary, which is what the latest in the long-running Scream franchise, "Scream VI," suffers from. Lead Sam (Melissa Barrera) says that the killings are only because of her (because of plot), and repeatedly asks for others to leave so that they're safe. How could that happen to me? For this seventh film to truly frighten me, I would have had to go through the same thing before, which, knocks on wood, hasn't happened. Does that make sense?

I guess that or it could have happen to a friend or something, but I like to think I have better taste than these folks.

Anyway, this is the first time in the series that I've actually watched one- oh sure, I'm aware of them and how they breathed life into the stagnant slasher genre, so I held absolutely no expectations outside to be entertained, and yeah, I was. The whole "whodunit" thing did keep me guessing and I didn't expect the killer, or killers, to be who it ended up being, so it has that going for it. Unfortunately, nothing really made much sense.

How many times, how many times do characters have phones in their hands while being stalked only to not call the police? I counted at least four times. "But," fans cry out, "they're on the phone with the famous Ghostface, how could they call the police?" To you silly people, they could not play phony movie games and call the damn cops. One of the characters Mindy, played by Jasmin Savoy Brown, has a long speech about how there are "rules" to slasher movies, but she clearly needs to watch a few more films, if she lived anyway, I ain't spoiling it.

Or what about how people are killed in public places- I don't care if you hold your hand over my mouth, I would, I would get someone else's attention.

Here's a other lapse in logic: if you smack the killer down, finish the job! Bash their brains into mush, don't go check on your friends wound or try running. Gosh this happens so many times here it'll be a "rule" in the inevitable "Scream 7."

See, Sam and her half-sister Tara (Jenna Ortega), are survivors of the last film (2022's "Scream," not to be confused with the same-named first entry back in 1996), now in college in NY.  Or at least Tara is in college, the film gets a bit murky there. Horror fans should immediately think of 1989's "Friday the 13th VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan," and sadly yes, it barely makes use of such a setting either. A few skyscrapers, a bodega and a subway, eh well probably passive bystanders, are about the only moments when the location is ever used. What's the point? I watched the credits, because the interweb told me there is a post-credits scene, and yeah, this was filmed in Canada. Why not just have it take place there? Why not really freshen up the franchise? (They missed a chance by not having The Statue of Liberty wear a mask, now that would be a twist.)

I'm not against scary movies, but by allowing the series to get bogged down in its own legacy it becomes what the late and legendary critic Roger Ebert would call a "dead teenager movie." Only their adults here, or at least old enough to smoke and drink freely.

I could go over the labyrinthine plot but any little detail could give away the reveal, so I won't, but what else am I to say? I did see it in theaters, which is how horror movie (and comedies) are best seen, but something funny happened: nobody, pardon the pun, screamed. Not once, I didn't even hear a faint gasp! I did hear plenty of coughing and sniffling, so the only thing a live audience provides is the chance of getting a cold, the flu or COVID; now that's scary.