The Union Review

Mark Wahlberg stars in this lightweight romantic comedy as Mike, a New Jersey construction worker who misses his friend's bachelor party when his old flame Roxanne (Halle Berry) walks through his favorite bar one night. Oh the shenanigans that could happen!

Actually no, "The Union" isn't a romantic comedy - it's really an unremarkable, unfunny, unexciting and unoriginal action spy comedy, but it's never an unpleasant one. This Netflix original comes and goes through you as passively as one wants background noise to.

The two are former lovers, and though I won't say whether or not they'll rekindle their love, but boy howdy do they have all the chemistry as a kindergarten's homework. They're fine performers individually, but neither their flirting nor bickering feel like anything other than actors reading a script in different auditions. As partners, sure I could buy it, but as romantic partners? I've said sexier things to a vending machine.

But the plot, you might be wondering, and you're right to ask that. But it's built from scraps from discarded James Bond stories. Roxanne works for "The Union," a secret organisation who's only personality comes from them hiring blue-collar workers over college graduates. That and it's headed by J. K. Simmons, who plays bossman Brennan, sleepwalking through his role delivering terse dialogue with familiar intensity.

Mike's recruited because a recent job went south, when they lose a briefcase with "intel on everyone from cops to the C.I.A.," so you know, the same thing that tops the Christmas list of every bad guy, right after nuclear weapons. Then we cut to shady auctions, murders, double-crosses, and of course, evil Russians. It's all just an excuse to have big name stars fire guns, throw punches and drive recklessly through international scenery and greenscreens.

The major problem is just how unstimulating it all is; even the action just sorta hangs there, it happens then it ends. Much like the movie itself.