Wicked: For Good Review

"Wicked: For Good" is a talky slog of a musical where everyone waltzes around garish set designs, singing lyrics that failed to resonate as I left the busy theater. Instead, I lumbered out from the dark cinema and into the brightness of outside confused, trying to come up with answers I'm not sure the film ever considered, or at least thought the flashy production values would distract everyone from. It is all build-up and no payoff, characters serenade about doing this or that, but they never do anything. At a chunky two hours and seventeen minutes, it feels simultaneously overstuffed and hollow, the end credits taking far too long to show up with at least two other fake endings that serve no point other than annoying those who didn't immediately buy into its tawdry excess.

For example, a bit into the runtime, the Wicked Witch of the West (Cynthia Erivo) shouts out that she won't be doing any more "good deeds," her flying monkeys growling as they show their vicious teeth atop her doomy castle. You get all pumped up, thinking something will actually happen now, only for her to renege on her newfound badness but- oh sorry, boy am I getting ahead of myself here. There is so much more plot that I might end up making you wait for "Wicked: For Good," the review part two.

There is just too much plot, to be honest, too many characters and little tangents that are stretched so awkwardly into the narrative, though what else do you expect from a sequel to a movie from 2024 that adapts the 2003 play, which itself is based on a book from 1995 that reimagined a novel from 1900 (which itself was adapted to film in 1939)?

The film opens with Elphaba, who becomes with time the more famous "Wicked Witch of the West," living in exile after she refuses to do the bidding for Oz (the inspiredly cast Jeff Goldblum) at the end of last year's "Wicked." The famous "yellow brick road" is in the process of being built (with painted yellow bricks, a poor method of coloring considering- you know what, it doesn't matter) when she returns, freeing the animals used to pull the paving machine because she's an animal lover. And as a zoophilist she has her work cut out for her, because Oz hates animals, forcing them to leave the land to a dusty desert beneath the freshly constructed golden path. Why he persecutes them is never dealt with in any level of detail, but there I go trying to find logic in a fantasy film.

Glinda (Ariana Grande) is back as well, taking up the position as cheerleader of hope for the people of Oz while he and Madame Morrible (Michelle Yeoh) continue to vilify Elphaba. She isn't happy that they treat her friend like this, but her addiction to the spotlight keeps her from being a good person (I know, what a great protagonist). Glinda can't do real magic, which I suppose is why she buys into the whole fantasy, but the film seems to imply that she just needs to "keep trying" and she'll learn it. Huh, I wonder if Oz ever thought of trying that.

But I digress. Glinda soon is to wed her old friend Fiyero (Jonathan Bailey), now made the leader of Oz's army. She loves him but he, well, let's just say he never really kisses her any more than a little peck on the lips. He finds out during her speech to the denizens of Oz and is just as surprised as we are. The scene of course turns to song, the crowd joining in with the caroling. If I were at a town rally and my city spokesperson started singing, I'd probably no longer vote for them.

More romance is brewing with Elphaba's sister Nessarose (Marissa Bode), the governor of Munchkinland, who is not green, and her trusted employee Boq (Ethan Slater), a Munchkin. She pines for him, but the feelings are not mutual, and so she vindictively outlaws Munchkins from leaving the land without permission. This leads to a whole new set of events that involve a man without a heart that's made of tin, but the "how" and "why" only becomes so because crucial characters speak so carefully that they don't reveal their true motivation, forcing a string of circumstances that could all have been resolved, or perhaps far more interesting, had everyone just stopped singing for one moment and just talked like human beings.

There are more problem areas: why is Elphaba, who has green skin, so feared when everyone lives in the Emerald City? I get that disinformation is largely behind this, but come on!

But they don't stop there: why exactly are the animals villainized? And, let's say for a second there is a reason, does that mean everyone just up and bans their beloved pets from their homes? What about diet, is everyone a vegan now? (This is to say nothing of the especially unconvincing CGI used to create them.)

Want me to keep going? I'd love to: throughout it's said that Elphaba is vulnerable to water because her soul is "so unclean" or something, but because we're now two movies into her life, we know she is not bad. So then why continue to spread that specific piece of propaganda? If Oz and Morrible really want her dead, why promote an ineffective method of attack? What good is just making things wet?

Don't stop me now: at one point, Elphaba sneaks into the city and threatens to expose Oz for all his lies. Oz, seemingly unable to slither his way out of trouble or call the guards, or do, you know, anything a normal person would do, so him and Glinda decide that a musical number is the answer. And Elphaba accepts- she joins them! Why in Oz's name would she do that?!

One more I promise: later on, someone tries to save Elphaba from capture by the royal guards, holding Glinda at gunpoint. The Wicked Witch of the West escapes on her broomstick, yet this person just stays behind- you're telling me there's no room on that broom? What, is there a weight limit or something?

But look, I get it: this is a big holiday Hollywood blockbuster that is all but certain to break all sorts of box office records, and at that level, there is nothing especially bad here. There are a lot of songs, even for its genre, so those who are a pushover for this sort of material will no doubt get their money's worth. The rest of us just wonder how a movie ticket now costs fourteen bucks.