"Power Rangers," the third live action film in the franchise, acts a reboot and an homage to the property- as in, it was made to sell toys (and donuts, but more on that later). Kids will buy the toys, no doubt, as well as kids-at-heart, but they should not see the movie, unless their parents want them to be exposed to scenes of candy-colored action, with a few scenes of blood and bras (that last one is for the "kids-at-heart").
The heroes in this movie, the "Power Rangers," are teenagers, or at least what Hollywood thinks teenagers are; they fight, break laws, go to detention, listen to bad metal music, and send naughty photos of other girls to each other. Of course, it is detention where several of heroes meet, but why must these be the stars of our film? Is it really an underdog story if the person we are rooting for sent a nude picture of another classmate to a boy? Oh, and there is an early scene where "milking a male cow," to put it lightly, is brought up in conversation (there is a cow in the room... it really does not make any more sense if you actually see the movie). Is this all the five (yes five) credited writers could come up with when giving the characters backstory? Of course, you do not actually see any inappropriate pictures or cow milking (thankfully), so the PG-13 rating is secured, but I sat in a theater with a few kids, and I can imagine a matinee would have more, so when those children play with the action figures this 124 minute long commercial sells, they are playing with plastic representations of minors in serious need of better parents.
The five Power Rangers are coincidentally meet in their towns local mine (yes, because all small towns have a local mine), where Billy Cranston, the Blue Ranger (RJ Cyler) blows up a small wall of rock, because "insert generic backstory here," and five coins are spit out. These coins (the internet calls them "Power Coins," but I call them cheap props, so whatever), are what gives the quintuple their powers. They play with their powers before discovering a bed of water in the mines, which is the entrance to a ship. Here, Zordon (Bryan Cranston, no, he isn't related to fictional Billy Cranston), who was the previous leader of the Rangers, reveals himself to be nothing but a taking face on the wall. He tells them to become the Power Rangers and stop Rita Repulsa (Elizabeth Banks), who has just come back (coincidentally) and is after a Zeo Crystal, which can create and destroy life. At first she is a mummified skeleton, discovered by fisherman (a fisherman who happens to be the Red Ranger's dad). She is after gold at first, to build Goldar, a giant CGI monster made of gold, as she needs it to dig for the crystal. And she is particular about what gold she collects; at one point she rips the gold teeth out of a homeless man, but later only steals a few pieces from a local jewelry store (woman and their jewelry...). But Rita is the only character who is any interesting; Banks delivers each line with a snarl and a maniacal laugh, as if "overacting" was a category in the Oscars.
Rita at one point ties all the Rangers up at the town's local dock (this small town has many points of interest), demanding to know where the Zeo Crystal is. After some mild torturing, Billy unveils the crystal's location, and Rita drops him, all tied up, in the water before walking off and letting his friends free from the rope. At this point Billy dies (but he comes back- add that to the list of cliches), but why? How did he die? Was it the water, did he drown? He obviously can hold his breath; he has to swim to Zordon's ship! So what happened?
There are so many mistakes in the film, but one distinctly lingered with me as I walked to my car post credits: the Power Rangers must enter a pool of water to enter Zordon's ship, but when they exit the aqua, they are completely dry, save for a few damp heads. But then the next shot, viola, soaked fabric! This would not have been a problem, had one of the Rangers not commented on how wet they were. Spoiler, they are only wet when the script asks them to be.
The film finishes with your usual action scenes, which took a surprisingly long time to appear, considering its source material, and are packed with slow motion shots and quick, shaky-cam cuts, as the Power Rangers battle Rita and Goldar. Doesn't she know that gold is one of the softer metals? But there is little at stake here. For fight to save the world, there is zero pleasure from watching the small town be destroyed; there is a reason Godzilla demolishes Tokyo and not "Angel Grove." This movie has no purpose except to sell toys, and seeing it is about as much fun as watching someone else play with your toys.
I am sorry if Marvel has spoiled you, but no, each Power Ranger does not have their own "unique" power, or even unique armor, save for their color; without their bright packaging, there would be no way to tell them apart. Perhaps this is a blessing, maybe the creators here hope that they will be mistaken for a better, more developed superhero.
Oh, and the crystal ends up being deep beneath the local Krispy Kreme- spoiler, your movie ticket does not come with a donut.
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