Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom Review

The first "Jurassic Park" film is a smarter than average monster-on-the-loose kinda picture that has since gone on to be a staple in pop-culture. "Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom," on the other hand, plays out like a b-movie that has too high a budget and too little gore and nudity- at least we still see dinosaurs ripping body parts off of tertiary characters.

Set years after the 4th entry "Jurassic World," we find the island of dinosaurs is the home to a newly active volcano(!) and is about to explode! Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) persuades Owen (Chris Pratt) to venture to the abandoned park in search of "Blue," a velociraptor trained by Owen to follow orders, become obedient (i.e. become a dog who's bite is most certainly worse than her bark). They believe eccentric gazilliare Ben Lockwood (James Cromwell), a former colleague of franchise favorite John Hammond, wants to protect these creatures and has built a sanctuary for them. Now, sit back and think about that plot; it pretends that there's a message about endangered species, as if they couldn't just clone more.

Of course, as the trailers have given away, Lockwood's successor Eli Mills (Rafe Spall) has different plans, and plans to continue the prehistoric exploitation. I suppose Claire and Owen should have asked to see the animal sanctuary before heading to an island that's about to erupt (can't forget about that volcano). This is the second-longest in the film series after the wobbly second entry, but it never drags; it's constantly moving from character to character (and dino to dino) and from action scene to the next.

But what's different here is the atmosphere- this is a dark film, lacking the whimsy of the first or forth film, or the fun energy of the third (it is best to just skip the second flick all together, or at least until the T-Rex breaks loose). There is a brooding overall mood that not even Chris Pratt can lighten up- there is abandonment and the acceptance of death in the eyes of the captured creatures, save for the Indoraptor (a genetic hybrid ancient reptile) who is treated like a slasher villain, lunging out of the darkness to kill unsuspecting prey.

The acting is generally OK, particularly little Isabella Sermon, who plays the granddaughter of Lockwood; she isn't given much to do except for parents to think that movies with kids are for kids, but she's plucky, and that's pretty refreshing, considering the franchise's history of shoehorning children into the action. (Remember the gymnastic daughter in the second film who flies through the air from pipes to kick a raptor to its death!?) I think it is safe to say that I'm not a fan of "The Lost World: Jurassic Park."

If none of this sounds like a film worthy of a three and a half stars, that's because it's not. In a perfect world it gets three, for being a solid piece of summer entertainment. But nothing's perfect, including me, and I love the story here; it's ridiculous and absurd, but it's smart enough to know not to acknowledge how utterly dumb it is.

That's just the way I like my giant monster movies!

Not to spoil anything, but there's a post-credit scene, and sets up the next film to take the franchise somewhere both Warwick Davis' Leprechaun and Chevy Chase have brought mayhem to. And I don't know, but I'm excited.

Incredibles 2 Review

A film like the "Incredibles 2" shouldn't work as well as it does, being a belated sequel to a beloved Pixar classic, especially with the flood of superhero films pumped out by Disney's Marvel. But it does- it is fast-paced, witty, and far too much fun to be labeled just another "superhero" movie. Perhaps if Marvel didn't slap together a new film every few months they would be as good as this.

Since we last saw the family, the Incredibles are still kicking butt and saving the world, or until they fail to capture The Underminer (John Ratzenberger). Superheroes are outlawed, Elastigirl (Holly Hunter), known as Helen Parr outside the tight underwear, is approached by generic movie-trope eccentric millionaire Winston Deavor (Bob Odenkirk). Having lost his father due to an absence of superheroes (an odd and dark sidestory for a film opening Father's Day weekend), he approaches the family with idea of reworking their advertising, showcasing the lives they save and downplaying the destruction caused while doing so. It's a fairly funny notion, the thought of revamping the promotional aspect in a product designed to make money, but that's something that'll zoom over kids heads and probably most adults, considering they bought tickets.

While Elastigirl is out working on her kind's public image, Mr. Incredible is left raising the 3 kids, a storyline straight out of a 90's sitcom script, where the mom gets a job and the dad needs to take care of the homestead. But it's more clever than that description, with Mr. Incredible struggles to understand his daughter's preadolescence boy-troubles, his son's "new math," and his infant's infinite energy (as well as his ever-growing list of superpowers). If it sounds like you turned on your TV to a rerun of "Full House," then you're right, but it doesn't play out that way. There's momentum to every joke, particularly with the youngest "Incredible" Jak Jak doing typical baby stuff, like waking up in the middle of the night, but only to fight a racoon with fire, lasers and the ability to go through walls. It's a nostalgic trip down family-focused humor, but with all the visual pizazz you expect from Pixar, and is a pleasant distinction from the Marvel and DC superhero flicks that litter the theaters multiple times a year, with their inappropriate sex jokes, dour atmospheres, and cluttered action.

The action here is cleaner than you would expect, making great use of every hero's unique ability, from stretchy arms to the ability to create voids for things to travel through. It's your standard box of "superpowers," not one made me go "oh, haven't seen that one before," and if I had to find any criticism, it'd be that. Great criticism right?!

As the credits roll, it becomes obvious why the script is so clean- there is just one credited writer, director Brad Bird himself, also the only author of the first film, so every action by the characters makes sense, and most every joke lands with at least a smile. Only the gags are rarely "set-up" then "joke," they are natural evolutions of the Incredible family and friends told through whimsical wit instead of a corporate money factory (not that this isn't made by a corporation, for money- and I'm sure there's a factory somewhere along the way).

A Quiet Place Review

Shhh, don't make a sound! Or at least, that is how the characters in "A Quiet Place" must live their lives. With creatures that hunt by only sound, we follow a small family live their lives. Talk about a "high concept" kinda film! It doesn't reach the heights of "Jaws" or "Alien," in terms of simple monster movies, but it is a decent diversion on a slow day.

Director, writer and star John Krasinski plays Lee, father of three- wait no two- no no three (it makes sense once you watch it), and his real-life wife Emily Blunt portrays Evelyn, though good luck learning anyone's names- there is barely any dialogue in its ninety five minute long running time! It is a bold move, leaving any conversations to be either sign language or simply gestures, which yes, means I had to look up their names on the internet for this review.

They don't do anything particularly exciting either. They gather food, wash laundry, you know, day-to-day stuff. But man, they just can't catch a break! It's like every ten minutes someone drops something and bam! Monster attack! You'd think they'd line their dwelling with wall-to-wall memory foam.

They have, however, lined the ground with sand, on wooden planks that don't squeak, for example. How they figured that out is beyond me, as they'd have to step on the hardwood floor and make noise to section off which ones do. You know, the calling card of the monsters. But there again I go, bringing logic to a monster movie.

The monsters themselves are your usual post-"The Descent" creatures, with slimy human-like things with twitchy movements and piercing roars. It's a shame too, as the few new things they introduce later in the film are novel and grotesque, it's too late. A creature feature, especially one that seldom shows the beast, should be hiding something new, exciting. Remember the time you finally saw the Xenomorph in the original "Alien" movie? How disgusted you were, how terrified? That never happens in "A Quiet Place."

Somehow this got released in theaters, there's a low-budget feel here, particularly the effects and acting. The pacing feels just a tad lethargic as well, sure, the many jump scares did make me spill my metaphorical popcorn, but there's something off the entire time. The whole thing has a first-draft kinda quality to it, like just a few million dollars more could have made this a future classic. As it is though, it's a small screen treat displayed on the big screen.

Ready Player One Review

"Ready Player One" is less of a movie and more of an experience, a high-flying adventure that is a spectacle that is both exhausting and visceral on a visual level. As soon as we entered the Oasis, the virtual-reality world that most of the action takes place in, I sunk right into my chair and jumped right on for the ride. It's the kind of movie that I wish I had an endless bag of popcorn to munch on when watching.

We follow Wade Watts (Tye Sheridan), an orphan who lives at his aunt's in a towering tenement of trailers patched together. We spend the entire movie with him, but most is in the form of his avatar, his created character in the Oasis, a world where everyone and their mom's live their lives in. As the film starts he's about to enter a race, the first of three "games" he needs to complete to gain total control of the Oasis, per request of the deceased owner James Halliday (Mark Rylance).

You see, this eccentric creator has hidden an "easter egg," which is a hidden item somewhere in the video game world, that requires someone, or some people, to complete a challenge and collect a key. Once they do, only then do they inherit a bunch of money and ownership of the virtual reality realm. And it's not just him that wants to win, everyone does, including Nolan Sorrento (Ben Mendelsohn), CEO to the Oasis competitor IOI. He's the villain of the movie, a decent one but not much from your generic "bad guy who works for bad company that does bad things."

This is where some cracks show, and it's mostly in the characterization. Sure, our boy Wade is a charming little lad, and his crew of digital buddies have some chemistry, but I don't believe that they're real friends. The group is far from "The Goonies," but I suppose that's kinda the point. Isn't that what happens when you only interact with your pals online?

But the action! That race I spoke of earlier, Wade just sits down in his DeLorean and slams down on the petal, racing past monster trucks, motorcycles and other wacky vehicles on an obstacle course where both a T-Rex and King Kong crunch and smash cars into coins that other racers can collect. I forgot to mention that everytime we enter the Oasis, things become a game of "Where's Waldo-" there are decades of pop-culture on every inch of the screen. Even the dialogue is referenced-packed, from more obvious mentions like "The Breakfast Club" to more obscure ones like "Buckaroo Banzai." I can't recall the last time I thought of that movie!

"Ready Player One" is a blast to watch, because the action is so clearly staged, filmed and edited. And there are a lot of them! It's a breakneck endurance round of pure joy, a nostalgic, whimsical return to form from the man who created the blockbuster.

Tomb Raider Review

No, the newest Lara Croft isn't about gawking at an inadequately clothed title heroine as she kicks ass. It's nothing like the previous two movies with Angelina Jolie, but it is not nearly as good. It takes itself far too seriously, forcing a backstory on Laura that's unsurprising. Guess what? Her father's dead, and she decides to finish his work. It's an uninspired riff on "The Last Crusade," and it just doesn't work. Well, for the first half anyway.

"Tomb Raider" is two movies stitched together with only one being any good. That'd be the second half, where we find Lara (Alicia Vikander) enter a tomb, set off some booby traps, unleash some evil then escape while it crumbs just behind her. It's some fun, about as good as the Brendan Fraser's original "Mummy" movie, though not as good as any of the "Indiana Jones" flicks.

The plot in detail finds Lara in pursuit of Himiko, an ancient evil queen buried deep underground on a remote island. She takes his notes, hitching a ride on a rusty old boat that soon capsizes and she, with the help of movie magic, washes ashore. Of course, her father's rival (or colleague, or.. something), Vogel (Dominic West) is on the island, searching the last seven years for the location of the mummified royal lady. Of course (of course!) her father's papers show the location of the tomb, and now she, and the captain of the dingy they sailed there on must plot their way out of slavery before Vogel can dig up evil. By this point, the story is so wildly silly that it allows the action to become equally preposterous- it's gloriously goofy fun.

It's just that the first half, the parts leading up to the unearthing of the catacombs are so dull. We find Lara piece together the whereabouts of her father, her struggles as an underdog and well, it just isn't anything special. It's actually exceptionally average- nothing's offensive, but there is just nothing to recommend.

This film gets two stars, because I can only endorse the second half. For all the fun puzzle solving, lavishly decrepit set pieces, and haunted skeleton-stuffed coffins, you deal with about an hour of boring exposition, despite its brisk pace jumping from the streets of London to a fishing village in Japan. It's a shame it takes so long for a movie called "Tomb Raider" to actually enter a tomb, but trust me, it's kinda almost worth the wait.

Death Wish Review

A film like "Death Wish" can never come out at a good time, but despite general critic reception, this remake is a fairly taut little thriller. Paul Kersey (Bruce Willis), a surgeon whose wife is killed and daughter is left in a coma after a violent home invasion, questions gun store employee Bethany (Kirby Bliss Blanton) about the process of purchasing a gun in Chicago. "Oh, no one fails the test" she says, or something like that. He does not walk out with a piece, but gives a satirical nod to the camera at how painless the process is. How could a movie be pro-gun if it comments on how easy it is to buy and use them?

But Kersey doesn't get his first gun and suddenly become "John McClane," he fumbles, slicing his hand at his first stab at vigilantism. It is a refreshing change from these usual movies, where the hero is some ex-military guy or cop- Paul's a doctor! I mean sure, he does become a pretty good shot by the time the credits roll, but with every bullet fired he becomes a bit more confident pulling the trigger. Bruce is surprisingly good at this; despite his career as action star, he looks uncomfortable at the prospects of owning and using a gun, and turns to online tutorials on how to clean, load and fire them. He's convincing here, every bit as fit for the role as Charles Bronson was. It isn't glorifying violence, it is a commentary on how easy it is for someone to become so aggressive.

End social observation.

Director Eli Roth, of the bloody "Hostel" movies fame, is surprisingly restraint here, with all the expected gory bits cut down to quick cuts, barely shown. Why the intestines spill in the first place show just how deteriorated Kersey is, as his vigilante episodes become less about killing and more about torture. The camera never fetishises on the blood, with it lasting only a few seconds on screen, but he handles the slower moments with general finesse, giving Bruce a chance to do things other than his usual reluctant-hero schtick. The supporting cast, including Vincent D'Onofrio as his brother Frank and Elisabeth Shue as his brief wife, bring more to the screen than the script asks them for.

Just like in the original film, Paul has a couple of detectives nearby, who grow to suspect of him, just one piece of evidence away from convicting him. But new here is that his first act of vengeance is caught on camera and posted around social media. It floods the internet, radio talk shows, and leads to at least one copy-cat on the streets of Chicago. It is a decent refresh of musty old material. Things do wrap up in the end a bit too cleanly, but that's how the first one did, so why change it?

As a remake, it gets the job done for those looking for something more extreme than your usual Liam Neeson outing. It is less excessive than the sequels that followed the 1974 original, and about on par with 2007's "Death Sentence," based on the the book sequel to the first book. (Yeah, somehow a franchise like "Death Wish" is complicated. Also, somehow it is a franchise.) Without the politically charged world outside the multiplex, it is a movie where people shoot each other. If you liked last year's "The Foreigner," I probably sat next to you in the theater.

Annihilation Review

A movie like "Annihilation" is a tough sell- you have killer mutated creatures, trees that grow in the shape of people, affairs, all inside a giant CGI wall called the "shimmer." How do you advertise a picture like this? Cast Natalie Portman as the lead, of course! She plays Lena, a biologist and former soldier whose husband went on a secret mission inside the shimmer, came back, and suddenly is throwing up blood and having seizures. So in the world of movie plots, Lena joins the next mission inside the mysterious veil.

She's lead by Dr. Ventress (Jennifer Jason Leigh), who's callous disinterest is a wonderful contrast to Portman's natural softness. Three others join, but any sci-fi monster(ish) movie lover will know that they're just appetizers to the large fanged things lurking in the dark of the environment. The trilogy of tertiary characters are well acted, but the twists they bring to the story are most welcome and help deepen the strange, if not sometimes nebulous, mythology of the film.

To detail anything more is a disservice to the final product, so that's the plot in a nutshell; just know that what follows is a lusting adventure through a lush jungle peppered with the occasional monster movie moment. The world inside the shimmer is in an ever constant change, becoming stranger as the cast wanders further towards their end goal. It is an odd odyssey that exploits your expectations of the typical jungle creature feature, and any problems are minute to what I saw on screen. I'm a pushover for this genre; the same sort of deal happened last year with "Alien Covenant," and although "Annihilation" is a bit fresher, it is an equal film, just with more different a flavor.

Just know that this is not an action film! Sure, the trailers show up the film's handful of monster attacks, but it works betters the less words are spoken, the fewer bullets drop from their guns. It moves at a lethargic pace, taking its time to marvel inside the bizarre biodome. Anytime the characters look in awe, so does the audience- one particular highlight is when the motley crew stumbles upon what happened to one of the previous explorers. His skeleton is plastered across a wall, growing into the plaster and intertwined with the omnipresent motility, a haunting image that echos the space jockey from the first "Alien." Scenes like this are what I wanted more of, but the few we get easily trump last year's clunker "Life." This isn't a space opera but more of an Earth opera, if there is such a thing.