Tomb Raider Review

No, the newest Lara Croft isn't about gawking at an inadequately clothed title heroine as she kicks ass. It's nothing like the previous two movies with Angelina Jolie, but it is not nearly as good. It takes itself far too seriously, forcing a backstory on Laura that's unsurprising. Guess what? Her father's dead, and she decides to finish his work. It's an uninspired riff on "The Last Crusade," and it just doesn't work. Well, for the first half anyway.

"Tomb Raider" is two movies stitched together with only one being any good. That'd be the second half, where we find Lara (Alicia Vikander) enter a tomb, set off some booby traps, unleash some evil then escape while it crumbs just behind her. It's some fun, about as good as the Brendan Fraser's original "Mummy" movie, though not as good as any of the "Indiana Jones" flicks.

The plot in detail finds Lara in pursuit of Himiko, an ancient evil queen buried deep underground on a remote island. She takes his notes, hitching a ride on a rusty old boat that soon capsizes and she, with the help of movie magic, washes ashore. Of course, her father's rival (or colleague, or.. something), Vogel (Dominic West) is on the island, searching the last seven years for the location of the mummified royal lady. Of course (of course!) her father's papers show the location of the tomb, and now she, and the captain of the dingy they sailed there on must plot their way out of slavery before Vogel can dig up evil. By this point, the story is so wildly silly that it allows the action to become equally preposterous- it's gloriously goofy fun.

It's just that the first half, the parts leading up to the unearthing of the catacombs are so dull. We find Lara piece together the whereabouts of her father, her struggles as an underdog and well, it just isn't anything special. It's actually exceptionally average- nothing's offensive, but there is just nothing to recommend.

This film gets two stars, because I can only endorse the second half. For all the fun puzzle solving, lavishly decrepit set pieces, and haunted skeleton-stuffed coffins, you deal with about an hour of boring exposition, despite its brisk pace jumping from the streets of London to a fishing village in Japan. It's a shame it takes so long for a movie called "Tomb Raider" to actually enter a tomb, but trust me, it's kinda almost worth the wait.