You know you're in trouble when a movie opens to rapping cartoon birds.
It was at that moment when I realized what kind film "Tom & Jerry" was going to be- an unfunny, lousy, and boring one. Unfunny in the sense that not once did I crack a smile; lousy in that the titular critters are an afterthought to petty human drama, and boring in the sense that, while watching, I checked my clock so many times that I realized it was about twenty minutes ahead. It's a wonder I'm on-time for anything.
Based obviously on the Tom and Jerry property, like so many other "animated/live-action" hybrids based on antiquated cartoon franchises, the story here nothing inherent to do with the drawn cat and mouse. Instead the plot centers on "Kayla," played by Chloë Grace Moretz, who lies her way into a temp job at some swanky hotel in New York City. Queue conflict, as the establishment is in the process of hosting a huge wedding, and wouldn't you know it? There is a mouse- gasp! Being the Big Apple, they should be lucky it isn't a rat the size of King Kong. Oh, Tom the cat is also there, but that happens for no reason other to ensure hijinks ensue.
Actually no, Google tells me that "hijinks" can be defined as "boisterous fun," which isn't what we see onscreen. I'd pick another noun, but it probably wouldn't be a nice one.
This rodent has both the owner Henry (Rob Delaney) and the events manager Terrance (Michael Peña) worried. "Hire a cat," pitches Kayla, which the former is for but the latter's against, but under the condition that its existence and theoretical capture is kept a secret. "Can't have the tabloids hearing we have a vermin problem," or so her boss says. This creates what I call a "false plot," where a character in power says "don't do this" only for the main character, and other secondary ones, to do it; they speak over walkie talkies about "catching the mouse," and at one point yell "mouse" time and time again at the hotel bar, easily within earshot of guests imbibing and make small talk in the background.
The other issue Jerry causes is when we hear the groom Ben (Colin Jost) ask the staff for elephants for his ceremony. This creates two outcomes: one with elephants and without elephants. Of course elephants will be involved! Why is that even a question!? Even when bride-to-be Preeta (Pallavi Sharda) objects, we the audience know this is a set up for chaos and would come away feeling cheated if we were denied the chance for such pandemonium.
Ultimately, there isn't much of a narrative here; there is only so much that you can do with a duo who's whole schtick is chasing each other with hammers, or baseball bats, or skillets, or, well, you get the idea. The filmmakers are right in the sense that slapstick can't purely hold a movie together, so it isn't any wonder that the script is about how dreamers can dream their way through life and enemies can work together if they put their differences aside, yada yada yada.
But it's a complete copout that this production isn't any more complicated than a Saturday morning cartoon. The people involved here don't realize that kids are smarter than we often give them credit, and instead pat themselves on the back by producing a product who's purpose for existing is to show bright colors edited together with slapdash pacing to the tune of pop songs. Tom and Jerry are really only up to their usual antics for probably about 35% of the runtime, so even if we were to forgive its general cinematic laziness, it would still fail as a proper representation of what the "Tom and Jerry" series is about. Maybe that's the problem. Or, maybe next time they'll adapt something that has an actual plot.
