Wonder Woman Review

I had no idea that WW1 was resolved by a woman in a metal bikini; if they taught that in high school, I probably would have passed history class. Or at least that is the story to "Wonder Woman," the latest DC superhero movie. It is a movie with the ambitions grander than what ends up on screen, one that is getting better reviews from critics than it perhaps deserves. I guess that is what happens when the competition for female-led superhero movies includes "Catwoman" and "Elektra."

The film attempts to combat sexism, but still, our title hero needs a man. That man is Steve Trevor (Chris Pine), who is not a superhero himself (unless having two first names is his superpower). He is a spy working inside Germany and has stolen a notebook detailing their latest mustard gas cocktail. If you are wondering what the hell this has to do with Wonder Woman, that is because existing near Germany is a portal to the land of the Amazons (I wonder if they offer free two-day shipping).  How this portal, which allows anything through, had not been discovered until now is beyond the laws of logic; you would think a plane would have accidentally flown through, or a ship sailing awry (or a lost post man perhaps, trying to meet the two-day delivery deadline, no doubt). But none of this came to mind until the film moves beyond its inspired "Xena: Warrior Princess"-esque beginning, a world where the Amazons participate in generally believable sword fighting, archery, and other antiquated forms of battle so often underutilized in these superhero flicks. An almost "medieval" setting was what this film need, it never needed to branch outside of the world of sword and sandals. Fans seeing this movie have already seen a character go from "the land of the gods" to the real world with Marvel's "Thor." The jokes they tell here are variations of the fish-out-of-water story told a million times before, and done so with better set-ups and better jokes.

I wanted more of this mystery Amazons land and less of its unpleasantly murky depiction of London. The only fun thing to look at are the old-fashioned outfits and patterns of speech. But Wonder Woman's birthplace (creation-place?)? There were grand sets that inspired wonder (no pun intended), a marvelous landscape free of obvious CGI, and articulated speeches about gods without ever showing one (save for a bedtime story for a young Wonder Woman (Wonder Toddler?)).

Everything else? Dark, dreary, and depressing. I guess it had to be, considering this takes place during the first World War, but if the resolution this film offers is that a superhero ended the war, then couldn't the journey be a bit more fun? I mean at the end of the day, this is a summer blockbuster. And that is the problem here. "Wonder Woman" wants to be a painful depiction of war, a demonstration of female power, and that summer blockbuster. It holds all three ingredients but never weaves them together, creating a world that could only exist a movie. How else can so many bullets be fired but where blood is only shown to be shed dried on the casts of victims? Why else would everybody speaks English, with character's nationalities denoted only by their accent? Or why the only source of color in many shots, outside of the dozen of varieties of gray, is the shiny and skimpy metallic outfit Wonder Woman sports? What clothing she does wear is explained to be bullet proof- you would think she would cloth herself with a bit more, clothes, like her universe counterpart Batman, but hey, what ever to get those box-office dollars.

The women in "Wonder Woman" do kick ass, but it only devotes itself to empowerment halfway. There is a scene, late in the film, where the titular heroine struggles with the film's "twist" and almost gives up, only brought to her senses by a man. And following that twist, the flick  quickly becomes obviously part of the "Batman Vs. Superman" universe, with hollow special effects that never look special, with loud "bangs" of music and curt bits of dialog that sound like movie-trailer narration.

Wonder Woman herself (Gal Gadot) has many super powers, including the power to slow time, because "slow-mo" is used in almost every action scene; it is as if they film a sixty minute film and played it in slow motion to meet the two hour minimum for a movie (it is actually a 141 minute long flick, but I digress). When the action does play out in normal speed, it feels synthetic, with bodies bouncing off of walls with the artificial weight only CGI can produce. I guess it takes a computer to make a superhero.