The "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" franchise was purchased by Nickelodeon-owner Viacom for a pretty penny back in 2009. Viacom of course is now known as Paramount, and obviously, they're the owner of the streaming service Paramount+. Yet the series' latest movie, "Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie" debuts on competitor Netflix, and that's a shame, because anyone who has a toybox filled with their action figures, be it from the 80's or today, will eat this brightly-colored candy animated movie like, well, candy. Or candy-topped pizza, if you're a true fan.
The internet tells me that "Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie" is a follow up to the TV show of the same name, and as far as I could tell, has nothing to do with any previous iteration outside sharing source material. Oh I'm sure there were throwbacks for fans, but the plot is simple and to-the-point, leaving a dummy like me who had somehow escape "turtle mania" for decades to keep up and enjoy the caloric visuals.
Our four heroes have to stop the evil Krang (voiced by Jim Pirri), who plans on destroying mankind and taking over the planet. Casey Jones (Haley Joel Osment) is sent back in time, Terminator 2-style, to prevent this from happening. But our heroes are still learning (really putting the "teenager" in their name), making mistakes, getting into tiffs with each other, eating pizza, and well, ladies and gentleturtles, there's your plot.
In all honesty, I didn't click "play" expecting anything as thematically complex as Pixar, but the narrative services the action nicely, never getting in the way of animated violence and mayhem. It's an assault to the eyes with nary a moments rest for the foursome to be themselves, slotting neatly into their vague archetypes: Leo (Ben Schwartz) is their would-be leader, arrogant to the point where he directly leads to the arrival of the pink blob of goo; Ralph (Omar Benson Miller), their other would-be leader, is physically bigger and takes his responsibilities seriously; Mikey (Brandon Mychal Smith) just cracks jokes to lighten the mood; and Donnie (Josh Brener), he's their tech-guy. Their character development is about as deep as the puddle of ooze that turned them into turtles in the first place, but whenever I go to criticize their lack of nuance, I remind myself that kids with the purchasing power of their parent's pocketbooks probably don't care about silly things like "depth."
This'll be a short review because it demands a short attention span, and the only challenge is remembering which colored turtle is who. I slunk on my couch and enjoyed the pretty pictures that flashed by with a certain grace, and was reminded of a time where all that mattered to a little one was what new show was selling which new toy line.
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